And no one told me this because...?

What I Wish I Would've Found Out Sooner

A list of things someone should have freaking told me in high school...or even middle school, seriously I'd take either at this point.

Freshman Fifteen is REAL and you ARE NOT exempt

Just because you are a skinny bitch now, does not mean it will last.  Seriously.  You will get fat.  Something really funny happens in college.  You become dead broke and you learn to love beer.  It's ok to drink the beer, but for God's sake go running afterwards.  I mean it.  Take care of your body.  Otherwise you will get pregnant.  And die.

Music is dumb. Watch movies.

No really.  Music is great and everything but that HUGE iTunes collection you've sweated your balls off working on night after night is going to disappear because you break your iPod in a drunken accident.  Still go out that night, it was totally worth breaking the iPod.  But my point is, movies become a huge source of entertainment and lesson learning.  So save all that .99 cent per song bullshit and buy movies instead.  Trust me.  Movies rock.

Stop driving like a maniac.

Or maybe just stop driving period.  You suck at driving.  All those times you thought it'd be funny to leave for work five minutes before you had to be there?  IT IS NOT SO FUNNY PAYING THE SPEEDING TICKET.  Plus the way you drive you could kill someone you freaking lunatic.  Slow down.  And leave for work on time, Jesus Christ.

Don't stress about loss.

Friends come and go.  Boyfriends come and go.  Good nights and bad nights will happen.  Best friends become distant friends and the best nights of your life eventually see daylight.  Don't worry about it.  Your dog becomes your best friend anyways.

Stay away from kiwis.

There will never be a day as heartbreaking as when you learn you're allergic to kiwis.  Just...stop while you're ahead ok?  BECAUSE THEY JUST BECOME YOUR FAVORITE FRUIT AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING KIWI RELATED AND EVERYTHING IS RUINED FOREVER SO JUST STICK TO STRAWBERRIES OR SOMETHING.

Ask for help.

It's ok to need a helping hand.  Nobody expects you to do this all on your own, bro.  The world is a heavy thing to carry on just your shoulders.  Let people carry some of the weight with you.  They don't mind, I promise.  In fact, they teach you that helping others is one of the best feelings you will ever get.

Call mom.

Seriously...otherwise she calls you until you pick up, and I mean literally the world could be ending and she'd still dial your number over and over and over again until you answer.  Just call the woman, she's pretty funny anyways.

Never lose your muchness.

People will tell you that you are too much.  That you're too loud or too bossy or too aggressive or too stubborn.  And you are.  But that's ok.  Because nobody else in the world will come to appreciate your flaws quite like you will.  Love yourself, every bit of yourself; even and especially your muchness.  

Best of luck,
K.

Best Words

The Best Words Ever Said

As I woke up this morning exactly three hours before my alarm was set to go off (a special thank you to my dog Achilles for punching me in the face until I woke up) I immediately started the day as per usual; with a movie quote.  So, here are just a few of my absolute favorites for you.

Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with. -Mac McGuff, Juno

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, it's not. -Once-ler, The Lorax 

Sometimes people do things that they know are wrong, but they just do them anyway. Because to do the right thing would be too painful. -Donald Sinclaire, The Vicious Kind 

You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest. -Dwayne Hoover, Little Miss Sunshine 

People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people. -V, V for Vendetta

Fuck a recession. -Sergio Roma, Get Him to the Greek 

I like to think that if you put your trust out there; if you really give people the benefit of the doubt, see their best intentions, people will rise to the occasion. -Ned, Our Idiot Brother 

Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion! -Jeremy Grey, Wedding Crashers 

My theory is you can't just avoid everybody you screw up with. You can trust me on that because I'm a New Yorker. -James Brennan, Adventureland

Everything worth anything is both terrifying and beautiful. -Fernanda, Tanner Hall 

You owe the world your gifts. -Ben Parker, The Amazing Spider-Man  

I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriosuly, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends. -Penny Lane, Almost Famous

There are an unhealthy amount more, but this will tide you over until next time.

Best of luck, 
K.

  

Excuse me miss, but I think I owe you my life...

My Worst Enemy, Turned Life Saver

          When I turned the ripe old age of sixteen, my parents did a horrible thing.  They made me get a job.  I spent about 98% of my time hating them for this, that is until I got my job...then I spent 98% of my time hating it.  Well the job AND the biggest, meanest, most awful bully I ever met.  I will never forget her.  She was older than me by a long shot, and she had been there much longer than anyone else on the team.  I was just a mere hostess at the local Italian Restaurant, aka Biaggi's, and I thought this job was going to be a breeze.  My duties included: cleaning the bathroom, answering phones, and seating guests.  Oooooooh, big time responsibility.  I laughed my way through the interview and when I was offered the job I took it immediately.  I was going to live the life, having an easy ass job while making bukoo bucks.  THAT WAS THE MOST HORRIBLE ASSUMPTION OF MY SAD PATHETIC LIFE.  

         I met my bully within the first week of me working there.  I remember it clearly because I had the balls to ask this woman if I could leave early that shift, because uhm hello Downs was having its annual fireworks and I just could not miss it.  She laughed in my face.  And never answered me...I stayed late that night...Time after time she made me go tell guests bad news, speak to angry old men who wanted a booth and wanted it right fucking now, and lastly but not least, I always had to clean up disgusting bathroom messes.  She picked on me openly in front of the other hostesses and never once let me leave on time.  I caught shit for everything.  Literally.  If something was wrong I was the first person she came to scream at.  If nothing was wrong, I WAS STILL THE FIRST PERSON SHE CAME TO SCREAM AT.  I hated her so much that I left work several times covered in sweat and tears.  She was mean and awful and she didn't care about my feelings.  (Keep in mind, at 16 feelings are big deal...so she really sucked).  I spent my entire time there trying to impress her.  I didn't quit and I didn't back down.  I worked my ass off at that job.  Even when she blatantly gave me a shift she knew I couldn't handle yet, I sucked it up and did it.  

      I spent a total of one year at Biaggi's.  By the end of my career there, I could recognize every regular and spit out their address, phone number, and what table they liked best.  I knew what guests wanted before they even came up to the hostess stand.  Every shift became a simple equation of this is wrong and this is what will fix it.  No guest was too demanding, and no phone call was too scary.  I was good at my job.  And I had no one to thank but the very bully that tortured me the entire time I was there.  

    The other day at my current job (a doggie daycare attendant) I remembered my first bully as I scraped dog shit from my shoe.  I thought of her kindly as I answered phones, bathed dogs, and dealt with customers throughout the day.  I love my job so much that I'm at now and I have become a bit of a bully myself.  I am insanely protective of my work, and anyone that comes in as a newbie that doesn't take it seriously gets to deal with me.  As I tried to recall what made me such a job lover, I remembered my Bully at Biaggi's.  And then I silently thanked her.  If not for her, I'd never know what it's like to be good at my job, or work hard for what you want, or earn the respect you deserve.  She taught me everything I know about holding a job and being the best at what you do.  

   I hope she realizes that even through her horribleness, she taught me some of the most important life lessons.  I think I owe her a thank you/batch of cookies, because I wouldn't be where I am today without having learned what I did at my first job.  Thank you Bully, because now I am tough as nails and good at what I do, just like you.  

Best of luck,
K.    

The Seven Deadly

My Very Own Seven Deadly Sins
(AKA my top seven movies)

Apparently, my beautiful, loving, sweet sister thinks she has better taste in movies than me. Feel free to laugh aloud whilst throwing your head back violently as I did when I read this statement in her blog.  Being my very own kind of movie buff, I also have a killer list that everyone, and I mean everyone, must watch.  I don't really give a shit what kind of movies you are in to, if you watch my list I promise you amazement and clarity will follow.  I now present to you the seven "must see" movies that sit on my shelf today. (in no particular order because, as Kahtee has stated, that would be an impossible task.)  HOWEVER, BEFORE WE BEGIN.  I must admit that Katie did not get it ALL wrong...movies that would've made my list had over-lapping been allowed?  The Lorax, 50/50, and of course, Mean Girls.  Now, back to my list...which is better...

Inglourious Basterds 

As Katie and I have always said, "Nobody does revenge like Tarantino."  Not only is he my absolute favorite director and writer (sorry Jason Reitman, you're a close second though buddy) but Tarantino defines what an all around 5 star movie means.  Action, love, revenge, great characters, and of course, well, a ridiculous amount of dramatic blood spilling sequences.  Sorry history buffs, this movie does not follow what the books say AT ALL, but instead tells the story of what everyone, especially us crazy American folk, wished would've happened.  Filled with great twists and an even better cast, this movie takes the cake for a "must see".

Juno

So, maybe you're not in the mood for killing Nazis.  I get that.  Allow me to present to you the world's best romantic comedy/drama/tear jerker.  I have literally memorized every line, every gesture, every second of this movie.  I absolutely love it and if you have not seen it, you haven't truly lived.  Witty and full of life lessons, this movie tells kids and grown-ups alike just what love, mistakes, and living life the hard way means.  And that sometimes, people aren't always what you expect, but that's ok.  As long as you have your trusty slutty best friend, and a hamburger phone that only works when you shake it.

Doubt

I KNOW I KNOW. For those of you who have watched this film, you're probably seething in your chair at the sight of this mention.  But let me justify my selection; Phillip Seymour Hoffman vs. Meryl Streep.  BOOM END OF ARGUMENT   Seriously, this could very well be the best mash-up of good vs. evil that movies have ever seen without having any action.  Using just words, this film sums up the human mind, and what it has the ability to make us do, believe, and of course, doubt.  

Inception 

Never have I ever pooped my pants in a movie theater....except when I saw Inception.  I saw it five times total in theaters and every single time I left with my mind hole blown to smithereens.  This film defines the word mind-f*ck.  Intelligent, heart-wrenching, and beautifully tragic I have never hated or loved a movie as much as I do this one.  It keeps the very hair on the back of your neck standing straight up, and it doesn't go back down until the credits roll.  At which point you will probably pee, pass out, or rage.  All reactions are one hundred percent justified.  Don't feel weird, I did all three...in the order mentioned above.  

A Few Good Men

   

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, beats the script for A Few Good Men.  I could watch this movie on replay all day long.  Not only for the quick and witty writing, but also for the ending.  I am an ending person.  If a movie doesn't end right, I'll cut it out of my life forever; rational or not.  And this movie?  It gives us the ending we deserve.  As a viewer, I am rarely shocked.  This movie electrocuted me straight out of my chair, using simply dialogue and a chilling twist.  

Little Miss Sunshine

 

Sitting at home, hating yourself?  Feeling down in the dumps?  Wishing you weren't who you are?  Put down the cookies and chips...and pop in this movie.  Nothing quite makes you love yourself as Abigail Breslin.  Nobody else can reassure you that you are doing life right if you're doing what you want like Paul Dano and Steve Carell.  Characters that all make your heart feel just a little bit bigger, and your eyes swell with tears of recognition are what make this movie as great as it is.  Honest, raw, and full of funny even when you probably shouldn't be laughing...

The Great Gatsby

I don't care who you are, you better watch this freaking movie.  Nobody else in the world defined the trueness of human nature quite like F. Scott Fitzgerald.  His novel was brilliant in the way it was unafraid to call out people for what they really were.  Sorry, no love story here, but don't worry!  Instead you can sit back, relax, and watch as you realize that no matter how good someone is, they still have bad in them.  My absolute favorite character development film by far.  Oh and Gatsby isn't so hard to look at either...which helps.

Honorable Mentions:
Marley and Me

I just really love dogs, ok?

Mona Lisa Smile

If you say you don't like Julia Roberts or this movie, you're just a slutty little liar who lies.

Best of luck,
K.

Remember the Daze

Remember the Daze:
A truthful peek at high school.

 

           WELL THAT WAS A FUN HIATUS, but time to get back to work.  Whilst away, I have watched several films that have elicited a rather intense response from me. So much so, that when I get drunk with my sister (which is important to note because it is pretty much the only time I get white girl wasted) I have to break down every scene and criticize every move to her...much to her dismay might I add.  

            Allow me to introduce the very first of many reviews I have created.  Remember the Daze is a film from 2007 set in 1999 with the oh so subtle tagline of, "The beautiful ordinary."  Following a group of high school kids from all ages, freshman to senior to newly graduated, the movie gives us one night to see all the hot damn mess that is a high school kid. 

             Now, please, don't roll your eyes at me and close the browser to go back to a boring newsfeed on Facebook that nobody cares about.  Let me defend myself here because I know what you're all thinking. "WE'VE ALREADY SEEN THIS MOVIE 29837489719874 OTHER TIMES ALL THE MOVIES ARE THE SAME BLAH BLAH BLAH." Can you stop yelling so I can explain?  This movie, is different. JUST WAIT THERE'S MORE.  Starting with it's hilarity this movie from the first scene all the way to the last, gives us something to laugh about; even when we shouldn't be laughing.  The characters have a certain realness, a touchable relatedness, that hits so close to home it's scary.  Whether you were a jock or a loser, a druggie or a cheerleader, the movie covers you, and does so very well.  But what gets the movie a raving review from me is not only it's character development but the portrayal of the one thing all high school kids share, no matter the age or year in school; fear.  People in that stage of life are so damn afraid of everything it's ridiculous, and the worst part of it is, no one admits it.  This movie does that for them, for you.  

In conclusion, if your copy of Mean Girls is broken or you've already watched it four times today, give Remember the Daze a drive.  It's like, totally worth it.  

 

Best of luck,

K.

Life Lesson #56

LL#56 reads as follows:

It's ok to be afraid.

I promised myself I would not write anything about what happened, because I didn't think he deserved to have the ability to one day read it.  But I hope he does.  I hope he sees that I have come to terms with the fact that blame is a very personal battle.  Where to put it?  How to know if you've placed it in the right spot?  That's the thing about fault, it's hard to tell who owns it.  

I have had many nights of what was supposed to be peaceful sleep be instead devoted to endless worrying and never faltering thoughts that run through my tired mind, not allowing me to sleep.  In the same breath I have to add that I have made my fair share of mistakes.  It's because of that, that I have become a rather forgiving and understanding person.  It's nothing to brag about, believe me.  Forgiveness is not something I always want to hand out so very freely, but I do anyways because more often than not I can see why people do what they do.  So, I try to be the kindness that they are probably not even giving to themselves at the moment.  But this time is different.

The right thing to do is to let it go, to forgive and forget but I just don't have it in me tonight. I loved a person more than I loved anything else in this world.  The air I was breathing wasn't even as sweet as the sight of him or the sound of my name on his tongue.  I justified his every wrong, and exulted his every right.  I was eighteen.  I was in love.  And I was blind.  My vision, however, has been restored a year later.  I can finally see what was kept so very cleverly hidden from me.  

Monsters are a unique breed and they are very much so real.  They have a mind, a heart, and a will just like the rest of us.  In fact, they blend in more so than an actual person does.  They are brilliant and handsome and convincing.  They don't sleep under our beds, because most of the time they are sleeping in them right next to us.  The thing about monsters is, they can never stay hidden forever.  And when they finally come to the surface, they scare you right down to the beating of your own heart.  Every vein in your body feels on fire with fear, and every ounce of strength you thought you had, disappears as if it were never there to begin with.

The only thing I can tell you so far?  It is ok.  It is ok to be afraid.  There will come a day when you must face down a monster of your own, and it is ok to be scared shitless.  There is nothing embarrassing about fear.  Do not blame yourself for shrinking in the company of a beast.  We are all afraid, and we are all expected to be nothing short of that.  It is ok to be afraid.  It is not ok to let it stop you, consume you, ruin you.  You are still strong.  You are still brave.  You are still able.  Fight back; stand up; throw a few punches of your own.  Be fearless, even when you are terrified.

Best of luck,
K.

 

'Cause We're the Three Best Friends That Anybody Could Have

TV has given us a lot; so much so that it has shaped our culture.  But I think even more importantly than that, TV has taught me just exactly who I would choose as my top three bestest buds if I could hand pick them.  So, here we go.

 Number One: Leslie Knope

This is an obvious winner.  Leslie Knope defines best friend to me.  She is the epitome of a good person.  Everything she does, she does because she cares.  It sounds cheesy but my God is it true.  I love that deep down to the very core of her, she is just a genuinely good person.  She loves her job more than anything.  A job that everyone else hates, or refuses to take seriously, or uses as the butt of every good joke, Leslie Knope cares about and works hard at.  She does what is best for everyone, she never thinks about herself first or second or even third.  I love everything that Ms. Knope stands for and I love her even more as my best TV friend.

Number Two: Nolan Whatever-the-Heck

Oh Nolan, you sassy gay man.  I freaking love him.  He wins spot numero dos on the good ol' friends list due to loyalty.  Never have I ever seen such blind loyalty.  Nolan has no problem putting himself in danger, spending his millions of dollars, or losing everything he has if it means doing the better thing for his friends.  I admire his ability to be a complete and total hero to his friends and I would kill for that kind of compassion from bestie number two.

Number Three: Brooke Davis

WELL I MEAN IS ANYONE SURPRISED.  The fact that she is mother freaking beautiful is one thing.  Sorry, girl crush.  Especially season 4. BUT I DIGRESS...no one messes with a mad B.Davis.  She stands up for the people she loves and she does it with class (and pure evil of course).  Brooke has zero issue with getting her hands dirty if it means protecting her friends.  I would give anything to have a friend keep me feeling safe and sound like she does, and it doesn't hurt to have them look nothing less than fabulous while doing it.

My TV friends are awesome.  How're yours?
 

Best of luck,
K.