What I Wish I Would've Found Out Sooner
A list of things someone should have freaking told me in high school...or even middle school, seriously I'd take either at this point.
Freshman Fifteen is REAL and you ARE NOT exempt
Just because you are a skinny bitch now, does not mean it will last. Seriously. You will get fat. Something really funny happens in college. You become dead broke and you learn to love beer. It's ok to drink the beer, but for God's sake go running afterwards. I mean it. Take care of your body. Otherwise you will get pregnant. And die.
Music is dumb. Watch movies.
No really. Music is great and everything but that HUGE iTunes collection you've sweated your balls off working on night after night is going to disappear because you break your iPod in a drunken accident. Still go out that night, it was totally worth breaking the iPod. But my point is, movies become a huge source of entertainment and lesson learning. So save all that .99 cent per song bullshit and buy movies instead. Trust me. Movies rock.
Stop driving like a maniac.
Or maybe just stop driving period. You suck at driving. All those times you thought it'd be funny to leave for work five minutes before you had to be there? IT IS NOT SO FUNNY PAYING THE SPEEDING TICKET. Plus the way you drive you could kill someone you freaking lunatic. Slow down. And leave for work on time, Jesus Christ.
Don't stress about loss.
Friends come and go. Boyfriends come and go. Good nights and bad nights will happen. Best friends become distant friends and the best nights of your life eventually see daylight. Don't worry about it. Your dog becomes your best friend anyways.
Stay away from kiwis.
There will never be a day as heartbreaking as when you learn you're allergic to kiwis. Just...stop while you're ahead ok? BECAUSE THEY JUST BECOME YOUR FAVORITE FRUIT AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING KIWI RELATED AND EVERYTHING IS RUINED FOREVER SO JUST STICK TO STRAWBERRIES OR SOMETHING.
Ask for help.
It's ok to need a helping hand. Nobody expects you to do this all on your own, bro. The world is a heavy thing to carry on just your shoulders. Let people carry some of the weight with you. They don't mind, I promise. In fact, they teach you that helping others is one of the best feelings you will ever get.
Call mom.
Seriously...otherwise she calls you until you pick up, and I mean literally the world could be ending and she'd still dial your number over and over and over again until you answer. Just call the woman, she's pretty funny anyways.
Never lose your muchness.
People will tell you that you are too much. That you're too loud or too bossy or too aggressive or too stubborn. And you are. But that's ok. Because nobody else in the world will come to appreciate your flaws quite like you will. Love yourself, every bit of yourself; even and especially your muchness.
Best of luck,
K.
Or maybe just stop driving period. You suck at driving. All those times you thought it'd be funny to leave for work five minutes before you had to be there? IT IS NOT SO FUNNY PAYING THE SPEEDING TICKET. Plus the way you drive you could kill someone you freaking lunatic. Slow down. And leave for work on time, Jesus Christ.
Friends come and go. Boyfriends come and go. Good nights and bad nights will happen. Best friends become distant friends and the best nights of your life eventually see daylight. Don't worry about it. Your dog becomes your best friend anyways.
There will never be a day as heartbreaking as when you learn you're allergic to kiwis. Just...stop while you're ahead ok? BECAUSE THEY JUST BECOME YOUR FAVORITE FRUIT AND THEN YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING KIWI RELATED AND EVERYTHING IS RUINED FOREVER SO JUST STICK TO STRAWBERRIES OR SOMETHING.
It's ok to need a helping hand. Nobody expects you to do this all on your own, bro. The world is a heavy thing to carry on just your shoulders. Let people carry some of the weight with you. They don't mind, I promise. In fact, they teach you that helping others is one of the best feelings you will ever get.
Seriously...otherwise she calls you until you pick up, and I mean literally the world could be ending and she'd still dial your number over and over and over again until you answer. Just call the woman, she's pretty funny anyways.
People will tell you that you are too much. That you're too loud or too bossy or too aggressive or too stubborn. And you are. But that's ok. Because nobody else in the world will come to appreciate your flaws quite like you will. Love yourself, every bit of yourself; even and especially your muchness.
Best of luck,
K.
